


Phobophobia

by kreecherkai



Series: Broken Not Defeated [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-09 22:53:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11114583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kreecherkai/pseuds/kreecherkai
Summary: Terrified eyes peeked at him from behind unnaturally bent fingers, brows scrunching in confusion as Hyunwoo continued to sit very still.





	1. Haphephobia

**Author's Note:**

> Bare with me

                Hyunwoo was skipping happily ahead of his mother when he heard it.  It was small, but he was sure he heard a sniff.  He stopped just past the alleyway opening and waited to hear it again.  Definitely small, definitely a sniff, some movement followed it all.  He grew excited.

                “Mommy, I think there is a puppy!”  Hyunwoo took off down the alley ignoring his mother’s yell of fright.  A child of seven (seven and a half if you asked Hyunwoo), Hyunwoo never worried about strangers, in their small town everyone knew everyone and seeing puppies was always a must.

                It wasn’t a puppy though.  An excited Hyunwoo came upon a very small boy.  The boy was trying to fit himself into the small space between the alley wall and a dumpster.  His clothes were nonexistent, torn all over.  Hyunwoo didn’t even think the shirt was a shirt anymore.  He was covered in red, his hair was clumped in multiple places and his hands were held in front of him at odd angles.

                “Mommy!”  Hyunwoo yelled, startling the young boy who quickly pressed himself further against the walls.  “No, no, it’s okay, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to yell.  Don’t be scared.”  Hyunwoo tried to smile, but it was hard, the boy looked very hurt and scared.  “I won’t hurt you.  Mommy is gonna help us, okay?”  Hyunwoo reached a hand out like would to any dog he met on the street, keeping his fingers together, palm open and up and moving at extreme slowness, when he was close enough to be in the boy’s arm reach he froze and waited.  His mother always told him to be patient, ‘wait and good things will come Hyunwoo.’  That’s what she always told him whenever he met a new animal.

                The boy’s shaking stopped as he stared at Hyunwoo’s hand.  Eyes wide as he waited and watched.  Slowly, very slowly the boy inched one of his small very thin and battered legs forward.  When the tip of Hyunwoo’s finger grazed his skin, the boy slammed back into the dumpster, eyes closed, shaking starting again, his misshapen hands pulled up in front of his face.  Hyunwoo stayed still, he could hear his mother call, but he didn’t want to startle the boy again by answering. So he sat and waited, hand out, waiting for the young boy to have trust in him.

                Terrified eyes peeked at him from behind unnaturally bent fingers, brows scrunching in confusion as Hyunwoo continued to sit very still.  Hyunwoo smiled again as the boy’s leg made another attempt at reaching out.  This time staying close enough that Hyunwoo could feel how cold the boy’s bare leg was.

                There was a soft crunching noise as his mother made his way down the alley, and that startled the boy into a smalls panic.  It all happened very fast as the boy let out a tiny hoarse whine as he crawled into Hyunwoo’s lap.  Hyunwoo’s arms came up to lightly rap around the small boy.  “It’s okay, it’s just mommy.  Mommy is going to help us, okay?  Mommy won’t hurt you either.  I promise, it will be ok.”

                “Hyunwoo are you okay?  You can’t…”  His mother trailed off as she spotted her son holding a very obviously hurt child.

                “Mommy he’s hurt.”  Hyunwoo looked at his mother with so much sadness.  “He needs help.”

                “Ok, alright.  I’ll take him, we’ll get him to the car.”  She went to reach for the boy but the tiny body shrank away, curling himself further into Hyunwoo’s lap.

                “Mommy, patience!  Patience!  He’s scared.”  Hyunwoo said, holding one hand up to stop his mother from advancing forward again.

                “Sorry sweetheart.  Do you think you can get him to walk?  We need to bring him to see a doctor.”  Hyunwoo nodded and started to whisper lowly to the boy.

                “We are going to help you, okay?  Mommy is going to help us.  Can you walk?”  Hyunwoo leaned back, carefully looking down at the boy.  “I can’t carry you, only mommy’s can carry kids, I’m not strong enough yet.”  The boy shook more, looking up at Hyunwoo with tear filled eyes.  “No, no, don’t cry, it will be okay.  We just need to get you to the car.  But it’s okay, if you aren’t ready I can wait.  I’m really patient.  Mommy always said I was good at waiting.”  Hyunwoo smiled and looked over at his mother who was talking quickly on the phone.  “Mommy and I are gonna bring you to Doctor Hoon.  He’s nice, he fixes all my booboos when I fall during sports.  Doctor Hoon helps us a lot; he’s over for dinner all the time.  I think he and mommy are in love.”  Hyunwoo snickered and he felt the boy relax a little in his arms.  “Doctor Hoon is really nice though, he will let me stay with you the whole time I promise.  You won’t be alone ever, okay?” There was a small hesitant nod against his shoulder followed by a small sniff.  They both moved slowly into a standing position, the boy wincing as his knees knocked together in a shiver. 

                The once white shirt was torn all over, red marring holes before fading to pink.  Hyunwoo took of his jacket in thought, “this will keep you warm okay?  You look like you need it right now.”  He carefully wrapped the jacket around the boy’s shoulders, doing his best to ignore all the cuts that seemed to just appear on him.  He tied the sleeves in front, hoping to keep the jacket on the slim shoulders, but he didn’t think the small odd angle hands could fit into the sleeves.   “I will be next to you the whole time, okay?  We just need to go get some band aids from Doctor Hoon.”  They took a few steps forward but as the noise of the busy street filtered down the alleyway the boy shook more.  “It’s okay.  If you need a break just let me know.” 

                Hyunwoo’s mother hung up the phone and gave her son a small smile as he walked carefully next to the injured boy, keeping both arms spread around them so nothing would touch him.

                “Doctor Hoon will meet us at the office Hyunwoo.”  She looked at the small boy and gave a smile to the frightened eyes, “Let’s go get some help okay?”  The boy slowly nodded, eyes looking towards the ground as he took another slow step forward.   It was on his next shuffling step that he made a tiny whimper and collapsed to the ground.

~`~

 

                Hyunwoo sat in a white room.  Hand pressed carefully against the one area Doctor Hoon had allowed him to touch.  He promised he would stay, though Doctor Hoon said he would have to take him away a bit, Hyunwoo stayed with him as long as he was allowed.

                The boy was no longer covered in red; his clumped hair was now soft and clean with a bandage around it.  There were contraptions everywhere; long pins that looked like they hurt were sticking out of each finger of the boy’s hands, and around his arm too.  His legs were lifted into what Doctor Hoon had described as slings and there were hard casts.  Hyunwoo knew what those were, he had one once when he fell out of a tree.

                “I honestly don’t know how this child is even alive.  There are multiple contusions, scars, knife marks from both straight and serrated edges, multiple broken bones.  His hands look like they have been smashed, healed, purposely dislocated and allowed to stay that way, there were multiple pinched nerves from when they were relocated.”

                “Was he sexually assaulted at all?”

                “From what we could see, no.  However, what state of mind he is in once we wake him up we can only assume the worst.  I think going forward we will treat it like a sexual assault case on a minor.  That means we must do things slowly.  It’s good that he seemed to trust Hyunwoo enough from your description of things.  That means we might be able to find out what happened.”

                “And the police haven’t found anything?”

                “Nothing yet, no reports of missing kids in the area or any runaways.  They are expanding, but it’s too soon to tell.”  Hyunwoo stared at them before looking back at the small boy again.

                “How old did you say he was?”

                “Five, maybe, there is too much damage to actually tell, he could be older.  You said he seemed pretty understanding of words like doctor and car.”

                “Yes, but it was mostly Hyunwoo that was talking to him.”

                “At least he may know certain things, wherever he was kept at least allowed that luxury.”

                “How do you think he escaped?”

                “I can’t be sure, but from his broken ankle it should have been near impossible for him.  He must have been in so much pain.  I’m surprised he let Hyunwoo touch him at all.”  Hyunwoo turned back to the boy, pressing his fingers to the warm patch of skin.  He was listening to his mother’s sniffs in the corner of the white room.  Dr. Hoon’s hand running up and down her arm.  Hyunwoo rolled his eyes and hid a smile, this was a serious time after all, but he liked the loving look in the doctor’s eyes as he spoke to his mother.  “As for now we are going to keep him asleep and hope that when he next wakes it will be calm.  I may have to ask for you to bring Hyunwoo back then.  It would be good for him to see someone he may trust.”

                “You’ll let us know if anything happens?”

                “Of course I will.”

 

~`~

                A week later and Hyunwoo was bouncing up and down the long-term hallways much to the nurse’s amusement.  Dr. Hoon had called earlier and said that they were going to try waking the boy that day.  All week Hyunwoo had been excited to see the boy again, he drew pictures in class when they had free time and when his mother would bring him back to the hospital later in the day for a visit he would hang them in the boy’s room, hoping that it would make him happy when he wakes up.

                “He’s been healing wonderfully, better than we can hope,” Dr. Hoon smiled at them as Hyunwoo bounded into the room and to his usual seat beside the bed.  “Hyunwoo I need you to pay attention so I want you to repeat what I’m saying when I’m done okay?”  Hyunwoo nodded, pleased that there were less band aids on the boy this time, he could rub the arm instead of pressing his fingers to skin.  “Okay, we are going to take him off his sleeping medication, he will wake up and be very confused and very scared.  I want you to make sure he knows he’s safe.  Just talk to him, let him know everything is going to be ok, but he needs to understand he cannot move.  Now Hyunwoo, he may not remember you at all, but we are going to let you talk first, if you feel uncomfortable at all let us know.  Can you tell me what I said?” 

                Hyunwoo smiled over his shoulder at the Doctor who was standing with his mother, rubbing her back slowly.  “He is going to wake up, and he will be very scared and confused.  I need to make sure he doesn’t move because his boo boos wont heal if he does.  But I get to talk to him first, and he may not remember me, but I’m not worried cause I know he will.  I just know it.”  Hyunwoo rubbed the arm again, excited. 

                “Holly I understand if you would like to stay with him.”

                “I think I’ll wait outside until you tell me it’s alright.  Poor thing will already be surrounded by you and staff.  I don’t want to scare him by being here as well.”  Hyunwoo’s mother smiled and came up behind her son, pressing a quick kiss to his temple.  “I’ll be outside love if you need me.”

                “Okay mommy.”  Hyunwoo thought for a second before he reached out for his mother.  “Mommy, can you give me a good luck kiss?  I think I might need one.”  Right away he felt lips pressed to his forehead, his mother’s good luck kiss that he got before every game.

                “Good luck my dear.”

 

                Hyunwoo practically shook with excitement, pulling up the chair as close as possible so he could be sure that the boy would see him first when he woke.  The nurses were buzzing about, injecting things into tubes that would supposedly help the boy to wake up. 

                “Alright Hyunwoo, we are going to stand back, it might take a few minutes, but if we tell you to move I need to you step away okay?”  Dr. Hoon said patting the boy on the back.

                “Yes Hoonie.”  Hyunwoo moved himself closer to the boy.

                The boy’s eyes danced beneath his eyelids for a few moments.  Hyunwoo for a moment held his breath as the dancing became scrunching.  Brown eyes blinked up at him, dazed.

                “Hi!”  Hyunwoo smiled.  The brown eyes glanced at him before widening.  “Oh no, don’t be scared.  My name is Hyunwoo.  We met before.  I told you we were gonna bring you to the Doctor so he can fix your boo boos.”  Hyunwoo smiled again, “I know it doesn’t feel like you’re all better, I’m sure you’re still hurting.  But Dr. Hoon said you are healing well.  But you can’t move.”  Hyunwoo bit his lip as the brown eyes stayed on him.  “I know that’s kind of scary to hear, but you are in a lot of things.  But they are all supposed to help you.  But if you move it could hurt more.  But any way.  I wanna say I’m sorry.  I broke a promise.”  The eyes stared at him wide, “I promise I would stay with you the whole time, but Hoon said I wasn’t allowed in the room with you for a while.  So, I waited in the hall.  But he promised me you would be ok.”  Hyunwoo watched the brown eyes slowly fill with water.  “Oh no, don’t cry.  You’ll be ok, I promise you.  Mommy said that when you’re all better you can come home with us.  Then you won’t have to be alone ever again.  But you can’t cry.  I’m only allowed to touch your arm right now, so you can’t cry until I can hug you all better, okay?”  The eyes blinked slowly, tears falling.  “Oh no, please don’t cry.  It’s going to be okay.  I promise.  We’re gonna take good care of you.  Can I touch your face?  If the tears dry, it will be uncomfortable.  Just blink once for yes.”  Hyunwoo waited.  The eyes stared at him never moving off his face.  “It’s okay, I’m patient, I’ll wait for you.”

                There was a slow blink before the brown eyes were back on him and Hyunwoo smiled wide.  “Okay, I’m going to touch you okay?  I’ll be careful not to hurt you.”  He was very careful to wipe his thumbs across the boy’s cheeks, gathering loose tears as he went.  “Dr. Hoon will make everything all better, I promise.  He’s gonna talk to you now okay?”  Hyunwoo looked up at the doctor who had been standing at the foot of the bed with his clipboard.  “Hoonie I think he will be ok.  But he’s still scared, you have to be careful.”

                Hoon only smiled at him before looking over the young boy slowly.  “Hello son, my name is Hoon and I will be your doctor.  Can you hear me fine?  Blink once for yes.”  The boy never took his eyes off Hyunwoo, but more tears had started to fall as he slowly blinked.  “Good.  Now I want you to know that we can’t have you moving, you may upset your injuries.  But I need you to answer my questions ok?”  Hyunwoo frowned as he wiped away more tears falling from the boy’s eyes as he slowly blinked again.  “Awesome, you are doing amazing son.  Now we will keep this pattern, once for yes, twice for no alright?”

                He blinked again.

                “You are doing wonderfully.  Now, do you remember your name?”  The boy blinked, eyes still staring at Hyunwoo.  “Great.  Do you remember what happened to you?”  The boy blinked again.  “Do remember who did this to you?”  More tears fell as the boy stared at Hyunwoo.

                “Oh no, please don’t cry.  It’s okay.  You’re doing great.”  Hyunwoo hovered over the boy, wiping at his tears again.  “Hoon!”  Hyunwoo looked back at the doctor who was smiling sadly.

                “It’s ok Hyunwoo, I won’t ask him again.”  The doctor wrote something down on his clipboard and continued the questioning.  Hyunwoo smiled.  The little boy would be ok.  He was sure of it.  He looked down at fear filled eyes once more before giving the boy a bright smile.

                “It’s okay.  It will all be ok.”  Hyunwoo whispered to him.


	2. Oneirophobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun's first day of school

                Kihyun’s eyes shot open.  Hands instantly coming up to defend himself as his tired mind tried to shake the dark dream.  It had been a bad week for sleeping, it was always a bad week leading up to starting school again, but the last week had been particularly horrible.  He turned his head and frowned as he saw Hyunwoo’s naked arm dangling off his bed across from him.  He was still safe; he was at still at home.  With Hyunwoo close nothing can harm him, Hyunwoo would protect him.

                Kihyun closed his eyes tightly and repeated his mantra in his head.  Like he had done for the last fourteen years he had lived with the boy.

                “What’s wrong Hyunnie?”  Hyunwoo’s gruff voice asked causing Kihyun to jump a little.  “Is it about the new year again?  I’m sorry we couldn’t make it work so we were in the same class, but the office assured me that all the teachers would be aware of your condition.  You don’t have to worry, but if it does become an issue we will talk to the office again.  Okay?”  As always Kihyun didn’t answer, just nodded to what his brother was saying.  Hyunwoo let out a long sign, “come here you brat, I’m not going to let you go to school looking like a skinny panda again.”

                There was a shuffle as Hyunwoo rolled over to face the wall and pressed himself as close to it as possible to fall back asleep and Kihyun was grateful.  Hyunwoo always understood him, always took care of his fears like this.  Carefully Kihyun moved over to his brother’s bed, crawling on top of the blankets and pulling the spare they kept at the foot of the bed over his arms.  It was as close as Kihyun had ever allowed himself to sleep next to someone.

                “Don’t worry so much Hyunnie; Hoon wouldn’t want you to worry.  Mama definitely wouldn’t have wanted that either, okay?”  There was a small sniff and Kihyun froze in adjusting the blanket on his shoulder.  Hyunwoo rarely cried, Kihyun never knew how to deal with it when he did.  “Kihyun, I know you don’t like it, but just for tonight, can I sleep facing you?”  Kihyun’s heart hurt, his protector was scared and in pain, it wasn’t something Kihyun ever liked to see.

                With a crooked finger he slowly traced a ‘yes’ on to Hyunwoo’s bare shoulder.  It was almost instantaneous that the boy rolled over to look at Kihyun with tears in his eyes.  “Thank you Hyunnie.”  Kihyun gave his brother his best smile before scooting as close to the edge of the bed as possible, the wide gap between them gave Kihyun little comfort.

 

~

 

                “Okay, now you know to text me if you have any problems at all.”  Hyunwoo said, turning to face Kihyun at the entrance of his class.  “And all the teachers have been made aware of the reasons you have to step out, so if you need to leave please don’t torture yourself by staying.  You still need to text me.  If anyone bothers you, text me, if…”  Hyunwoo stopped as Kihyun lifted a braced hand with a small smile.

                **I will text you if anything happens, promise.**   It was stiff and barely legible due to his braces, but after years of therapy for his hands, it was the only amount of communication Kihyun would do.

                “Fine, I get it, I’ll stop babying you.”  Hyunwoo held his hands up in front of him with a smile.  He started to back away slowly before his nose twitched.  “Don’t go making friends with the wrong sort of people Kihyun, please, I don’t think I can take that worry.”

                Kihyun rolled his eyes as Hyunwoo continued to back away with a smile, mouthing good luck as he went.  With a quick meditating breath Kihyun knocked on the door, the sound was muffled, but loud enough to pause the teacher in her lesson.

                He entered the room on an exhale, shuffling over to the teacher, determinedly staring at the floor. 

                “You must be Kihyun.”  She said lightly, flipping a sheet over in her hand.  The attendance, Kihyun realized.  “Class, I would like to introduce your new classmate, Kihyun.”  Kihyun did a quick bow to the class, looking over all the heads in the room to the decorated back wall.  “Now I want you all to understand, Kihyun is a mute.  He cannot talk.  So please give him time to write his responses down.”  Kihyun felt the blush of shame rise on his cheeks.  Of course they would have to make that kind of announcement to the whole class.  “Kihyun why don’t you take the empty seat in the back next the door, you will be Hyungwon’s seat mate.”

                Kihyun bobbed his head to show that he had heard and made his way to the only empty seat available next to a sleeping boy.

                “Class please open your workbooks to where we left off yesterday.  Kihyun that would be page 53, come see me after class if you have any questions.”  Kihyun nodded, trying to stop the blush that now heading towards his ears.  He opened his English text to the correct page, letting out a silent breath he had been holding.  It was a section that he had already covered at his previous school…last year.  Kihyun grimaced as the teacher began her lesson, if this was where they were in their last year of High school Kihyun was worried he wasn’t going to learn anything more than he already had.

                Classes droned on, his seatmate slept through every single one of them.  Not one teacher made an effort to wake him at all.  The only reason Kihyun wasn’t worried he was seeing things was because this other classmates would turn and look at the boy when he would sigh and hum into his arms.  He had no problems with his lessons either.  In almost every class he was ahead, by chapters maybe even books. 

                And he had no problems.  None of the teachers questioned his recorder during the class, most likely understanding that he would have a hard time keeping up with note taking.  When they did ask him to answer a question; they would wait patiently for him to write the answer in a big enough scrawl for them to read at the front.  None of the teachers seemed to have a problem with his disability.  None except for this math teacher who had given Kihyun a rude sneer when he flipped through attendance.

                “Kihyun!  How about you tell us the answer to number two.”  Kihyun gulped.  He held up two of his gloved fingers high enough that the teacher would be able to see, but the man had turned his back as Kihyun’s hand made it to the air, marker poised on the board for an answer.  Kihyun frowned and dropped his hand, as he did so the teacher turned with a glare.  “Well Kihyun?  I didn’t hear anything.”  Frustrated, Kihyun wrote a giant number two, large enough to fill an entire sheet of his note book and lifted it above his head, the teacher turned around again.

                “We are waiting Kihyun.  Why must you insist holding the class up like this?”  Kihyun frowned, never had a teacher acted like such a jerk to him before, not on the first day meeting him.

                There was a smack of lips next to him as his seatmate shifted in his sleep.

                “Kihyun!  Answer me please, the answer for number two is…?”  Kihyun could feel tears prickling at the corner of his eyes as he tried again, holding his fingers up in the correct amount.

                “He says its two you fucking cretin.”  A deep voice rumbled next to him, causing Kihyun to jump and his teacher to hastily drop his marker, suddenly pale.

                “Oh, Hyungwon, I didn’t realize you were here today.”

                “Shut the fuck up and continue the damn lesson, don’t let me catch you pulling this bullshit again.”

                The teacher scrambled, picking up his marker from where it had rolled across the floor and quickly writing the number two next to the equation on the board.  “Yes, Kihyun was correct the answer is two, now can anyone tell me how Kihyun came up with this answer?” 

                Kihyun tilted his head in study of his math teacher.  Gone was the rude arrogant man from earlier and in his placed was a pale hunched figure that would constantly glance at the door like he expected someone to come walking through the doors at any moment.

                The boy next to him yawned and pressed his fist to his cheek, staring at Kihyun’s shocked figure.  “Sorry about him.  He forgets he shouldn’t be a dick or bully people.” 

                Kihyun gave him a small smile and quickly wrote a thank you note sliding the book between him so the boy could read it.

                Hyungwon yawned again, giving him a sleepy smile.  “I like you kid.  Do me a favor and kick me awake for the next period, I have something to do for free time and then I’ll show you around the school for lunch.  Okay?  We’ll meet under the big tree in the courtyard.”

                Kihyun nodded with a small smile and watched in amazement as Hyungwon promptly fell back asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly slowly i am updating


	3. Thixophobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thievery in its finest form.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so because its gonna just be more and more of Kihyun doing sign language, I'm giving you all a guide
> 
> Bold lettering is Kihyun signing. Most of the time context will say so, however as I beginning to write the other chapters it gets less obvious.
> 
> Italics will be anything either written down or a thought process. Those will be more obvious.
> 
>  
> 
> Also also. If you have read my other stories you know I love VIXX, I'm just not so creative on names. I love Ken, I just needed a name and Vixx was on as I was writing and I just so happened to have been his part.
> 
> Also Also also!
> 
> The brace Kihyun wears is a pediatric one that I had to wear when I was younger. The brace is just a regular coupled hand and wrist brace, finger tubes are individually attached and can be tightened depending on the person wearing the brace needs. Its also possible to remove just one or some of the finger tubes. Its not a fun thing to wear, you have to constantly pay attention to the tightness on your wrist so you aren't over stretching your hand. The purpose is to correct growing muscles from over tightening (growing stiff), however I know plenty of people my therapy group that still wears it because it helps straighten out their fingers, a lot of them are musicians suffering from hand injuries or have bad cases of carpal tunnel so they usually wear it through out the day before they get ready to perform. Surgery doesn't all the time correct injuries, just sometimes lessens the pain that the injury can cause. 
> 
>  
> 
> Also also also also!!
> 
> I suffer from hand and wrist issues, if you feel at all that you are having pain in your joints please please please go get it checked out. I have to wear braces and splints to sometimes get through the day and I'm over medicated half the time to get the pain and swelling down. I wouldn't wish any of this pain on my worse enemies. A lot of you like to write and type, many of you like to just sit and read. Posture is always important. Make sure you are correcting yours when you are doing these activities. Just being conscious about it helps.
> 
> I worry <3 
> 
> Okay, end of the long notes <3<3
> 
> Enjoy.

                Kihyun scrunched his nose at the page before him.  What was it about history that made everything so boring and difficult to follow?  He had been staring at the page for a good ten minutes without fully comprehending anything from it.  He looked over at the report that had been assigned to them earlier that day, and then at the two paragraphs that had been poorly scribbled in response to half of the question.  Honestly the two paragraphs were more like two sentences, but they were wordy.  He was proud that he had managed to work out that much.

                He huffed and looked to the widow next to him.  Hyungwon had enough time to show him to the library before he ran off to do what he needed to do during his free period.  Kihyun had been lucky enough to find a secluded table away from the crowded common area of the library.  He was between rows of history where he was sure no one ever ventured.  It was quiet and calming and supposed to help him focus on his task to no avail.  He was finding the window more entertaining than the minor clash of clans in Egypt in early, probably prehistoric, history.

                Kihyun pulled off one of his braces, taking care not to adjust the Velcro of the fingers of it so they wouldn’t fall off.  He flexed his hand slowly, trying to work the constant stiffness out of the fingers, eyes staring at a tree in the distance of the window.  Gentle breeze ruffling his papers.  Kihyun’s brow furrowed.  The window was slowly being opened outward, seemingly on its own.

                Now Kihyun was a logical person.  He didn’t believe in ghosts.  But demons and monsters, he had enough hardships in his life to believe in those.  His heart was hammering in his throat at the thought until he saw very human hands appearing on the sill of the window, followed by a tuff of fluffy hair.

                It was a very new occurrence to watch someone sneak into the library of all things, it was a bit concerning that someone would risk climbing through a second story window to do so.  Kihyun stared in wonderment as a boy pulled himself into the window frame, crouching low to shake his hands off and get grounding on his surroundings.  He seemed faintly surprised to see Kihyun where he was.

                “Oh, wow, I didn’t think anyone knew about this table.”  He said in a low whisper then more directly to Kihyun.  “Hey kid, I wasn’t here and you didn’t see me, okay?”

                Kihyun nodded, it wasn’t any of his business anyway, but it would be a fun conversation for Hyungwon later at lunch.

                The boy gave him a quick smile before nimbly hopping of the ledge and disappeared around the bookcase at the creeping pace.

                Kihyun shrugged his shoulders and pointed his nose back to the text he was supposed to be reading.  The report wasn’t due for another month, but it was always good to be ahead, and he wanted at least a portion of it done before therapy later.  He had about five minutes of peaceful reading before a shrill voiced boomed across the library.

                “CHANGKYUN YOU BRING THAT BOOK BACK RIGHT NOW YOUNG MAN!”

                Kihyun’s only warning was a deep laugh as the boy from earlier came bounding around the corner, book in hand.

                “I’ll bring it back tomorrow ma’am!”  He called as he proceeded to jump on to Kihyun’s table, kicking all Kihyun’s work to the floor and hopping out the window.

                Kihyun’s heart practically gave out as he ran to the window.  He could barely handle people falling from great heights in movies and now some kid was determined to give him a heart attack by killing himself over a book?  Kihyun’s head was out in the fresh air for a moment when he saw the boy sauntering around the corner of the school, nose already buried deep into the book.

                “That boy, I swear.”  Kihyun jumped and turned to see an old librarian huffing.  “Did he at least make it out the window fine?”

                Kihyun stared at her and nodded his head, suddenly conscience that his brace was on the floor and his hand was bare.

                “Oh dear, look at this mess.  I hope he didn’t disrupt you with his playfulness.  He really is a sweet boy; it’s the reputation that follows him that gets him in trouble.  He was only banned for two days and he acts like it was the end of the world.”  She smiled placing her hands on her hips.  “Tell you what.  You don’t tell the head librarian I let him get away and I will allow you check your reference book out so you can head to lunch early; just our little secret, okay?”  She winked and gathered up the reference book from the floor.  It only took Kihyun a moment to give a small smile gathering his notes into his bag before pulling his brace back on with his teeth.

~

 

                He was early to the tree that Hyungwon had claimed was their groups spot.  He pulled out his packed lunch he had made himself that morning.  He was happily munching of his sandwich and flipping the pages in the history book, finding that now that he wasn’t confided to the table he was a little more focused. 

                “Kihyun!”  Hyunwoo jogged over to him with a smile.  “What are you doing out here so early?  I thought you had lunch later.”

                Kihyun nodded, setting his food down so he could sign to his brother.  **Out of study early.**  

                “Oh!  Well that’s nice, but why outside?  It’s a little brisk out, do you need a jacket?  I heard some bad kids sit around here.”  Hyunwoo squatted in front of him, pulling open Kihyun’s bag of fruit and helping himself to some grapes.

                **Made a friend, he sits here.**

                “Oh?  Well if they’re your friend then they can’t be bad.  Maybe the guys were wrong.”  Hyunwoo pursed his lips in thought.  “Oh, you’ll like them Hyunnie.  They like sports and they’re part of the swim team.  They aren’t very smart though.  Does it seem like you’re ahead in every class too?”  Kihyun nodded, popping an orange slice into his mouth.  “Anyway, I better catch up with them.  They were gonna show me the pool area.  Maybe I’ll get to join this year.”  A dark look flashed across his brother’s face and it caused Kihyun to reach out and slowly hover his hand over Hyunwoo’s arm.  “I’m okay Hyunnie, it’s just hard sometimes.  I’m used to coming home to taking care of her.  I saw you made extra this morning too.”  Hyunwoo gave him a tearful smile, “I must be hard on you too.”

                Kihyun mirrored the look, it was hard, but it wasn’t nearly as devastating to him as it had been to Hyunwoo.  He rested his hand on his brother arm lightly.  Doing his best to give what comfort he could.

                “Hyunwoo!”  A tall man jogged over to them.  “Hey, I thought I lost you around here somewhere.” 

                Kihyun flinched.  He didn’t know if the man was this loud on purpose or it was a sadly natural thing.  But the sound grated on Kihyun’s ears.

                “Yeah, I saw my brother and stopped by to say hi.”  Hyunwoo said. 

                “Brother?  Oh right, you said he was in a different class.”  The man smiled down at Kihyun, giving him a once over.  Kihyun shrunk in on himself at the look.

                “Yes, Ken this is my brother Kihyun.”  Hyunwoo said patting Ken’s shoulder.  “Kihyun this is my new friend Ken.”

                **Nice to meet you?**   Kihyun signed.

                “Um, hi?  Sorry did you just flick me off?”  Ken stared.

                Kihyun panicked and started waving his hands, trying his best to apologize.

                “Oh no, sorry Ken; I should have mentioned that Kihyun can’t talk.  He was saying that it was a pleasure to meet you.  His braces make it difficult for signing though.”  Hyunwoo smiled.  “It’s okay Kihyunnie, no worries.”

                “Yeah, sorry, didn’t mean to make you panic.”  Ken smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes.  “It’s nice to meet you as well.”

                “Anyway Kihyunnie, I’ll see you after class okay?”  Hyunwoo took out his phone and typed a quick message.  Kihyun didn’t jump when his phone buzzed in his pocket. 

                Kihyun nodded, sending his best fake smile at them both as they headed back into the main building of the school.  He gave a silent huff and picked his sandwich back up.  It was just like Hyunwoo to get the rude jock friends again.

                “Good to see you again, Kid.”  A deep voice said from the side.  Kihyun looked over, shocked to see the boy from the library, nose still deep into the book he stole, he also seemed to be dragging a dead body like it weighed nothing.  “Had I realized you were the new friend of Sleepy Frog here was talking about I would have just asked you to check the book out for me.”  The boy looked up and gave Kihyun a lopsided smile.  “Sorry, I must have given you a bit of a fright.  I’m Changkyun.”

                Kihyun gave a small smile in return.  _He looks like a puppy._   He held up a covered finger and reached for his notebook in his bag.

                “Oh, don’t worry about that.  I taught myself how to do sign language when I was ten.”  Kihyun looked at him startled.  “I was a very bored child.  Anyway,” Changkyun tossed Hyungwon onto the ground where the lanky boy simply rolled over to cuddled a root.  “Hyungwon said Mr. Spinner was giving you some issues in class today.”  Changkyun crossed his legs as he sat in front of Kihyun and smiled.

                Kihyun shook his head, biting his lip and he signed, **I’m pretty sure he just didn’t realize.**

                “I’m pretty sure he knew Kihyun, something like this would have been placed in your file for all the teachers to know.” 

                Kihyun bit his lip and nodded.  He knew the information was in his file.

                “It’s also written on the attendance log as ‘can’t speak’ so that teachers know to look at you when they ask you to answer.”  Hyungwon said sleepily, rolling to face them, and then rolling closer when he realized he was still too far away.  “Mr. Spinner is just an ass.  But he’s still scared of Wonho after last year, so I’m glad that came in handy today.”

                “We should probably let Wonho know.”  Changkyun said` pulling out his phone.

                “You can tell him later baby.  I want to know why you startled Kihyun earlier.”

                “I was climbing through the library window.”  Changkyun said as he typed a message onto his phone.

                “Again?”  Hyungwon smiled.

                “Well if you hadn’t gotten me banned in the first placed I wouldn’t have had to.”

                “You were more than happy to be in the position that got you banned in the first place.”

                Changkyun paused, finger held in the air from where he was about to point at Hyungwon’s form and state something.  Kihyun had to stifle his smile as Changkyun’s nose twitched.

                “Alright!  To be fair, I was very happy.”

                “Oh, I know you were baby, I felt it.”

                Kihyun’s cheeks flared red as he started to gain ground on their conversation.  He waved his hands in distress and covered his ears.

                “Oh, sorry Kihyun.”  Hyungwon grinned as he pulled himself up to rest against the tree, closer to Kihyun than he had wanted.  “I should have told you, Changkyun is my boyfriend.  You will hear all sorts of things about us, but that one is true.  We are complete homo for each other.”  Hyungwon gave Changkyun a sleepy smile who could only smile and roll his eyes at Hyungwon.  “I’m sorry if the news bothers you.  Or if it makes you uncomfortable.”

                **That doesn’t bother me at all.**   Kihyun signed to them.

                “Oh?  You don’t mind the homo?  Just the innuendo?”  Changkyun smiled at him and Kihyun had to stifle another blush.

                “Ok, we should leave the poor boy alone.”

                “Yes, dear.” 

                They were both letting out warm laughs when it happened.  Hyungwon had shifted closer to Kihyun.  Seemingly to lean on the boy’s shoulder.  Kihyun couldn’t help the fear that bubbled up, couldn’t help the flinch that caused him to drop his food and pull his legs up.  His heart hammered and his breathing became labored.  Dark memories started to pry their way to the foreground.  Forcing him to remember chains and belts; hammers and nails; pain, all the pain that had wielded itself to his body. 

                “Shit.”  Changkyun’s voice rose, there was a tussle and a small whimper from Hyungwon.  “Kihyun its okay.  He’s not next to you.  It’s okay.”

                “Kihyunnie, I’m so sorry.  I moved, I promise.”  Hyungwon’s voice was stressed.

                Kihyun couldn’t look.  He pressed his hands to his eyes, making himself as small as possible.  Tale old snaps sounding in his ears.  He could feel the tears getting ready to fall.

                “Look up little one, it’s okay.”  This voice was new, stronger, and more assuring.  Peppermint filled his nose.  “No one is close by.  You just need to feel around you hun.  It will be okay.”

                Kihyun took a silent shuddering breath. 

                “Deep breaths sweetie.  Deep breaths.  No one is near you.  You can look up.  It’s okay.  You’re safe.  I promise.  Show me those eyes sweetie.”  Kihyun took a deeper breath.  The deep voice kept prompting him to do so, and he could feel his heart slow.  He could hear grass crunch beneath feet and breathed deeply through his nose again.  The smell of peppermint stronger than before.  “Just look at me darling.  It would be nice to meet you face to face.  Instead of Changkyun telling me there was a cute new guy that I should meet.”  There was another crunch and the sound of a body settling in front of him.  “Deep breaths.”  Kihyun took another breath from his nose.  Calming more as peppermint filled his senses again.

                Kihyun slowly reached an arm out, pressing around the ground beside him.  Clear, in front of him was also clear.  The voice wasn’t lying, they weren’t close.  It was okay.  Kihyun slowly looked up, breathing deeply through his nose again.  He noticed boots first, not dress code boots, and next were obviously not dress code pants, the pale legs were exposed between the rips and tears.

                “There you go sweetie, it’s okay.  Look up so you can meet me.  Please?”

                “I’m so sorry, Kihyunnie.”  Hyungwon’s voice sounded broken.  And Kihyun could only shake his head.  It wasn’t Hyungwon’s fault he was broken.

                “Hey little one, look at me please.”  Kihyun brought his focus from the torn jeans to an obviously filled out torso.  His breath caught as he paused on the shirt, nothing different but panic was coming back and he patted the ground again, biting his lip when he couldn’t feel the grass on his fingers.

                He tore at his braces, feeling the Velcro tug and pull before finally giving way.  With a free hand, he trailed one through the grass, the other came up to grasp the front of his shirt.  He felt satisfaction.  His bubble was safe, he was safe, he could breath.

                Kihyun wrapped his arms around his raised knees and braved a look over them.  His breath caught from the beauty of the man before him.  He was pale, muscled; his wide brown eyes held a glint of worry as the wind pushed his brown bangs across them.

                “Hi!”  Teeth blinded Kihyun.  “I’m Hoseok, but these idiots call me Wonho every now and then.

                Kihyun waved crooked fingers at him, his shaky smile not making it to his eyes.

                “It’s okay, take your time.  Is it okay for me to scoot closer?”  The man, Hoseok, smiled again, tilting his head as he waited for Kihyun to tell him it was fine.

                Kihyun nodded, tightening his arms around his legs as he felt tears fill his eyes.  He just had a panic attack in front of his first ever friends.  He felt horrible.

                “Oh sweetie!  You can’t cry if I can’t touch you!”  Hoseok had scooted as close as he thought he could.  Kihyun was appreciative, he had left an arm’s length space between them.  “If you cry, I will cry.  And honestly, I look ugly when I cry, so I’ll cry more.  Therefore, you can’t cry.”  Hoseok said, holding his hand out to empty air as his doe eyes began to fill.  “Honestly.”  He sniffed.  “I get red eyes for hours when I cry, no one will think I’m scary then.  So, you can’t cry unless I can hold you and then we can cry together!”

                “It’s true, he is really ugly when he cries.”  Changkyun said, he was cradling Hyungwon in his lap.  The tall boy making small sniffs of his own.

                Kihyun took another stilling breath and reached out a trembling hand; memories of an alleyway and a child flashing in his mind.  Another breath and his fingers grazed Hoseok’s, but he didn’t pull back, instead he took another deep breath through his nose, allowing the peppermint smell to move through him again.  He slowly let his knees drop, and brought his other hand up to rub at his eyes. 

                Cold fingers slowly closed around his hand.  Hoseok’s thumb running small circles around the top. 

                “There you go hun, feeling better?”

                Kihyun nodded, rubbing his chest to form out an apology.

                “You don’t need to be sorry Kihyun.”  Changkyun said, he knocked his head against Hyungwon’s gently.  “It’s this idiot that should be sorry, he knows better than to think everyone can be a pillow.”

                “I am sorry Kihyun, I should have asked.”  Hyungwon said sadly from Changkyun’s lap.    

Kihyun shook his head, trying to get his free hand to sign that it was alright.  His fingers kept stuttering over the lettering though, causing the words to become a jumbled mess.  He kept trying, becoming frustrated that the simple word wouldn’t form.

“It’s okay love, we understand.”  Hoseok shushed him, his thumb running calming circles over his hand.

Kihyun huffed silently, dropping his hand and instead focusing on the other.  He watched as Hoseok’s pale thumb traced up one scar and down another.  It was calming, but watching it happen, Kihyun couldn’t help but feel self-conscious, his fingers appeared more crooked, his entire hand more scarred in comparison to Hoseok’s perfect pale hand.  Kihyun bit his lip and gently tugged his hand out of the hold.  His heart jumped as Hoseok gave him a small smile, tracing his thumb up one more scar before releasing the hand.  Kihyun didn’t think he could get his brace on fast enough, he didn’t stop adjusting the finger straps until both hands sat straight on his leg. 

“Well, that wasn’t how I wanted to meet the new kid.”  Hoseok smiled at him.  “But hi!”  Hoseok waggled his fingers at Kihyun.  It was a completely silly action, but it seemed to suit the muscly man.

Kihyun gave him a small smile in return, his head bobbing in greeting.

“What are you doing here anyway?  I thought you were visiting Min today.”  Changkyun asked, his hand running small circles over Hyungwon’s lower back.

“I was on my way there when you texted me about meeting a new guy.  I’m glad I stopped by.  Much cuter in person than in description.”  Hoseok winked at Kihyun.  The small squeak that escaped him as he ducked his head was not him. 

_Oh, my god, could you be any weirder?_ Kihyun thought to himself as he willed his cheeks to stop blushing so much.

“Wonho stop!  You’re making our poor little Kihyun shy!”  Hyungwon cooed and then he glared up at Changkyun.  “And where do you get off telling other guys that someone is cute?”  Changkyun only grinned at him in response.

“Alright, before that becomes disgusting, and before cranky catches me mulling around, I’m gonna head out.  Hyungwon did you grab Min’s homework?”  Hoseok stood, wiping grass from his legs.

“Yeah, it’s in my bag, he better know I love him, making me grab all this stuff cause he wants to magically be a good student now.”  Hyungwon reached over and tossed his whole bag at Hoseok.  “Tell him he owes me like fifty cuddles for taking time out of my nap for this.”

“Oh, so you can talk about cuddling another guy, but I can’t be a perfect wingman and tell my main man that there is a new cutie in town?”  Changkyun pouted.

“I am your main man, and you are all the cute I need.”  Hyungwon said simply, pressing a quick kiss to Changkyun’s pouting lips.  “Besides, you get tired of cuddling after an hour and if I turn on the television Min never moves.”

“Okay!”  Hoseok exclaimed, pulling a stack of papers from Hyungwon’s bag and tossing it at the cuddling couple.  “I think I speak for both Kihyun and I when I say, stop being fucking gross.”  Kihyun nodded, pressing his hands to his cheeks to stop the blush that had risen again.

“Sorry,” Hyungwon clamored out of Changkyun’s lap, rubbing the back of his head where the bag had hit.

“Alright, so I’m going.  Please don’t scar this baby anymore.”  Hoseok said pointing at Kihyun with a smile.

Changkyun grinned up at him, clearly that wasn’t gonna be something they would follow.  “Let Min know I’ll be with him tomorrow instead of Gun.”

“I will I.M.”  Hoseok gave everyone a smile and then turned his full attention back to Kihyun.  “Hopefully you’ll get to meet all of us soon Kihyun.  But it’s nice to have someone new to meet.”  There was another blinding smile and Hoseok took off out of the school yard, nimbly leaping over the school wall like he was made to do it.

Kihyun couldn’t say he wouldn’t mind watching those strong legs make that same leap over and over. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please understand that Anxiety and panic attacks happen differently for everyone. 
> 
> Fun Fact about me:  
> My fear of heights leaves me looking up when i walk up and down stairs, its my fear of falling that has me white knuckling the railings on the stairs.
> 
> Many people who suffer from a fear of heights actually has a bigger fear of falling. Or you're Wonho and your fear is being up so fucking high and screw that episode, my poor little heart, I wanted his mother to appear right in front of him. but he had fun on the way down, which is good. 
> 
> Anyone else get scared watching people fall in movies??? Cause like seriously anytime I watch blood sweat tears and V just hops off the damn railing. Or even Got7's Fly...fuck that mv.


	4. Catagelophobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First friends are always extra special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any sign language will be in BOLD
> 
> Any writing or thought process will be in italics (they will be distinguishable from each other)
> 
> Sorry about the long notes in the last chapter (honestly, I have a mother's heart and worry a lot for others, my friends hate and love me for it)

                “So that was Hoseok, he’s a really nice guy to be honest.  Just the rumors you will hear will make you second guess that.  It’s up to you to judge.”  Hyungwon shrugged and stared down at his long fingers in his lap, biting on his lower lip.  “I really am sorry Kihyun.  I should have recognized the signs from earlier.  We’ve seen them before.  Just throw something at me next time, I tend to forget things but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable at all.”

                Kihyun shook his head, hovering a hand over Hyungwon’s arm.  All the comfort he could ever give to someone.

                “Thanks, Kihyunnie.”

                “Alright!  Enough emotional bs.”  Changkyun hopped to his feet and then stooped low to press a kiss into Hyungwon’s hair.  “Baby I’m gonna go snag us some food since its actual lunch time now.”  Hyungwon gave a sleepy smile as he pressed back into Changkyun’s legs.

                “Thank you.”

                Kihyun gave a small smile, it reminded him of the first time he saw Hyunwoo’s mother and the doctor together.  It was cute.

                Hyungwon watched as Changkyun walked away, leaning forward as his eyes followed.  “You know what Kihyun.  I’m gonna marry that boy.  I don’t care if his parents want something different for him.  I love him.  Proudly follow him to hell and back.  Break all systems for him.  Hack my way through war tragic lands for him.”  Hyungwon looked at Kihyun with eyes full of love.  “And it’s not because he’s a good lay, cause believe me he has the stamina of like twenty guys.  It’s amazing, but I love him for him.  His need to know everything attitude, his reading, his love for knives, his workout schedule, his reading.  Sorry, I know you don’t know us all that well.  I shouldn’t be confessing to you how I love my perfect man.”

                Kihyun pulled on the zippers of his bag, pulling out his notebook and a pen.  _You two are cute together.  It reminds me of Hyunwoo’s parents._   He held the notebook out to Hyungwon.

                “Aw, thank you.”  Hyungwon smiled at him and then quirked an eyebrow.  “Who’s Hyunwoo?”

                Kihyun covered his smile before writing his reply.  _My sporty popular adoptive brother._

                “Oh, your brother, okay.  Popular?”  Kihyun nodded.  “Already?  You guys just got here.”

                Kihyun shrugged.  _He’s always the popular one.  Usually I get stuck hanging out with him and his friends because I never have any of my own.  Too weird for people I guess._

“Oh, come on now.  You’re not weird.  Honestly, it’s those sporty like people that weird me out to be honest.  When I first met Hoseok he spent all his free time at the gym, at that time it was mostly because he thought he needed to gain more muscles to be stronger.  But now it’s because he likes going so much, it’s so boring, and he had to go a rope my man into it too.  Not that I’m complaining too much, I mean the turnout was abs and a nice fine-looking ass to stare at.  But sometimes you just wanna cuddle on the couch and you can’t do that if your boy is at the gym.”  Hyungwon made a face.  “Hoseok has basically roped everyone but me into being gym buddies.  You come be a couch potato with me.  I need a potato friend.”  Hyungwon gave him a sly smile.

                _You would be the first friend I will have ever made on my own._ Kihyun wrote, feeling a blush pull to his cheeks from his admittance.

                “No way!  Kihyun that can’t be!”  Kihyun nodded fiddling with his braces.  “Well now you have, hold on, um.”  Hyungwon held up his fist in front of him.  “There’s Wonho, he likes you, he doesn’t call anyone sweetie.  Changkyun thinks you’re adorable, and Gun will love you cause you’ll be a new person to bounce ideas off of.  Then there is me, and I’m just awesome.”  Hyungwon took a breath.  “And Hyukkie will love you to pieces, he loves small cute things.  And Jooheon will like you cause he don’t have a mean bone in his body.  That makes six friends.  Congratulations Kihyun.”  Hyungwon smiled proudly.

                _I don’t know any of those people._   Kihyun wrote, frowning as certain words started to look shaky, his hand was getting tired.

                “Nonsense, you know me.  And then Changkyun, and he likes you, believe me, he likes readers and I can tell you’re a reader.  And Wonho likes you.”  Kihyun shook his head.  “Oh, come one Ki, I know he likes you, he can never sit still, and believe me we dealt with panic attacks before.  And from the blush I can tell you appreciated the art that he is.”

                Kihyun felt his cheeks flare before glaring down at his notebook.

                “If anything, you have me as a friend, and I honestly I am worth sixty people so there.”  Hyungwon gave him a grin and held his hand out in space next to him.  Like magic a sandwich dropped into his hand.  Kihyun slowly helped his jaw close as he saw Changkyun running towards them with a wide smile.

                “Good catch as always.”  He said as he dropped next to Hyungwon, give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

                “Well you told me to always be prepared, now give me your un-tossed goods and you can eat this monstrosity.”

                “Yes, dear.”  Changkyun laughed handing over his sandwich.  “What were you all talking about?”

                “How Kihyun made his first friend today, and I was trying to convince him that he made six, but he doesn’t wanna believe that so I told him I’m worth sixty friends and then you threw food at me.”

                “Oh, well then, I like you Kihyun, you can count me as a friend.”  Changkyun gave him a small smile and signed to him **we’ll be best friends, Hyungwon can just be that random rock you know.**   Changkyun snickered and took a bite of his sandwich.

                “What did you say?  Changkyun that’s not fair!”

                Kihyun smiled as Changkyun only made a kissy face at Hyungwon.

                “Oh, you have done it now mister.  I will go and learn sign language and no sex for you until its perfected.”  Hyungwon said taking a bite of his sandwich and scrunched his nose in distaste.

                “One.  You like my dick baby, no way you’ll master a language before you will want it again.  Two, you even think about not eating that I can guarantee you get nothing until I finish reading the entire public library.”  Changkyun gave him a glare as Hyungwon slowly lifted the food back to his mouth.  “I know baby, it’s not the greatest but you need to eat something before tonight.”  Hyungwon pouted at him as he chewed a mouthful.  “We get Mama’s cooking tomorrow.  Oh!  Kihyun, what are you doing after school tomorrow?”

                Kihyun scrunched his nose.  Usually he and Hyunwoo raced home to take care of Hyunwoo’s mother, but now that wasn’t needed.  He didn’t have therapy, tomorrow was his free day.  But leaving without letting Hyunwoo know where he was going; that wasn’t really an option. 

                **I have to ask my brother, but why?**

                “It’s Tuesday, we usually eat with mama on Tuesdays.  Wonho wanted to know if you would like to come with us.”

                **Okay, it shouldn’t be a problem.  He would just worry if I didn’t let him know**.

                “No worries, here,” Changkyun dug his phone out of his pocket.  “Put your number in my phone and I’ll text you to ask later, deal?”

                Kihyun nodded, reaching over to take Changkyun’s phone carefully, pouting when he realized it was a touch screen phone and slowly removed on of his finger tubes.

                “Anyway, Changkyun, I need to borrow your notes for science.”

                “Slept through class again?”

                “If he wasn’t so monotonous I wouldn’t have slept.”

                “Irrelevant, you have slept through rock concerts.”

                “Regardless, I need your notes for the note checks.”

                “Can’t you just bullshit them like usual?” 

                “No, he checks for specific facts that I know won’t be on the final and then deducts points from me, that means I have to be awake the next class to make those points up and I don’t want to.”

                “Fine, they’re in my bag.  You can borrow them when we get home.”

                “Thank you.”

                “Hey freaks!”  Kihyun jumped, shoulder’s slumping in as he was prepared for more name calling. Changkyun gave him a worried look before giving him a small smile.

                “What do you want Jinyoung?”  Hyungwon asked as a small boy with dark hair strolled over.

                “Nothing, I just wanted to see if you slept through math class or if I actually have to go today.”

                “We didn’t cover anything special from what I could tell when I woke up.  And I thought Jaebum told you to stop skipping.”

                “He did, but Youngjae isn’t feeling well and he stayed home.  I want to check on him, Jaebum has already left anyway.  If he gets to skip, I get to skip.  He can’t give me rules that he himself won’t follow.”

                “Yeah, I understand that.  The only reason we are here today is because we were threatened with a frying pan if we skipped school again for the next week.”  Hyungwon smiled. 

                “Mama threat?”

                “Wonho tells her one story and the frying pan becomes her new weapon.”

                “Ah, well, I guess I’m lucky then, Jaebum doesn’t want to get in trouble as well, so for the most part he keeps his mouth shut.”  Jinyoung smiled and then looked over at Kihyun.  “Hi, I’m sorry, we haven’t been introduced yet.”

                “Oh yeah.  Jinyoung, this is Kihyun.”

                “Hyunwoo’s brother, right?  I heard him mention you earlier before Ken and cronies dug their claws into him.”  Jinyoung gave Kihyun a bright smile, his eyes crinkling in the corner.  “I’m sure he’s a great guy, but you should warn him that the swim team isn’t all that great.  Of course, your brother is a big guy, they probably won’t try the same shit, but if they get to talk crap about me and mine I’m gonna talk just as much crap about them.”  Kihyun’s eyes widened as he just nodded at what Jinyoung was saying.  The boy’s smiled had gotten colder as he talked more and more about the swim team.

                “It’s not crap if it’s true.”  Changkyun growled.

                “Enough!  Jinyoung if you’re skipping class find me tomorrow, I’ll look over the section tonight and see what’s up with it.”  Hyungwon yawned.  “There will be no more talk of low lifes and losers at our quiet tree.”

                “Alright, alright.”  Jinyoung held his hands in front of him, his cold demeanor changing in a few seconds.  “I’ll see you guys at mama’s tomorrow night, right?”

                “Yeah, Min’s welcome back to society hopefully too.”

                “Awesome, you guys say hi to him from me today okay?  If he gets to go tomorrow that will be awesome.”

                “Will do Jinyoung.  Hopefully Youngjae is doing okay.”

                “I’m sure that’s where Jaebum is, so most likely he is being mothered with horrible food, hence the reason I am skipping.”  Jinyoung smiled and waved at them all.  “Nice meeting you again Kihyun, hopefully I will see you tomorrow night as well!”

                “Bye Jinyoung.”  Changkyun said plainly as he picked back up his stolen book and flipped to the page he left on.

                “Oh no.”  Hyungwon’s eyes widened in horror.  “Kihyun, this is horrible!”  Hyungwon covered his mouth in dramatic shock.  “We’ve lost my Changkyun baby to the land of imagination.”

                “This is a detailed history coverage on the war of 1818, Hyungwon.”  Changkyun replied not even bothering to look up.

                “Land of long boring forgotten imagination!”  Hyungwon corrected.  “Quick Kihyun, let us leave before he starts reading out loud to us!”  Hyungwon unfolded his legs, pressing a quick kiss to Changkyun’s cheek as he stood.  “I’ll show you around the school before the next period.  We still have plenty of time.

                Kihyun gave the tall boy a small smile as he packed away his things, handing Changkyun his cell phone back as he stood to follow. 

                “I’ll text you later Kihyun.”  Changkyun gave him a wink.  “Don’t let him nap in any of the rooms he shows you.  You’ll never get anywhere if you let him.”

                Kihyun smiled and nodded before taking off after Hyungwon, pulling his own phone out of his pocket and flipping the screen open.  He had two notifications of text messages.  One from Changkyun’s phone, with just a quick message to remind Kihyun to save the number and another from his brother.  Kihyun let out a silent sigh and opened the message.

                **_We will talk about your choice of friends on our way to the hospital._**

                Kihyun stomped his foot softly in frustration.  They were his friends.  His first friends.  Hyunwoo didn’t get to decide who he could be friends with.

                “Kihyun!  Keep up, you’re small I don’t wanna lose you.”

                Kihyun’s head snapped to the empty hallway that Hyungwon was halfway down, just standing there with his hands in his pockets, a sleepy smile on his face. 

                “Come on shorty, I gotta show you my nap room so you can find me later.”

                Kihyun gave Hyungwon a small smile as he hurried to catch up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friends are hard to make.
> 
> Even harder to keep.
> 
> OHHHHHH New fun fact:
> 
> For years I couldn't make friends (I'm hella introverted when it comes to talking to people, give me a book, have a dog, something) My cousins actually started to feel bad for me and would invite me along to hang out with their friends. Its always awkward. But they never stopped, they always have the My friends are your friends, and if they can't love your weirdness I will just beat them up; attitude. (My eldest cousin is my Number 1 weird flag flying fan.)
> 
> Jrock is actually how I made my first bestest friend, we have been friends ever since (She's also a kpop fan). Kpop is how I made all my other close friends. Don't be scared to love your music. There are people everywhere who need friends who like Kpop too!! 
> 
> A lot of friends are people I have met online that I have shared advice or stories with. I'm grateful to the friends I have because they let me be introverted and understand that I never wanna do things.
> 
> If you ever need a friend :D I'm always around to talk to~


	5. Glossophobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Did you really just use algebra as a pick-up line?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A guide to Kihyun:
> 
> BOLD: Kihyun signing
> 
> Italics: writing or text messages
> 
> anything else will be explained before it happens, i.e any voice programs or phone calls. It will be obvious from context that it is that and not something else.

                “I still don’t understand how on your first day you hang out with some of the worst kids known in the school.”  Hyungwoo sighed as they headed towards the hospital.  “I’m gonna talk to the office tomorrow, this proves we need to be in the same class together.”

                Kihyun stomped his foot to get his brother’s attention, ripping his braces off in the process.

                **They are the only people who bothered.**

“Bothered with what?”

                **Talking..**   Kihyun’s hands stuttered trying to get out a sharp curve for his finger, instead of finishing he dropped his hands, pulling his gloves back on and adjusting the Velcro for the finger.  Hyunwoo usually understood when he stuttered anyway.

                “Talking to you?”  Kihyun nodded and continued to walk, at least at the hospital he had a computer he could type on.  “Kihyun, people talk to you when you’re with me too.”

                Kihyun stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and threw a glare at his brother, once again ripping at his braces in frustration to get a response out quickly.

                **Because I’m your freak brother and half the time people think talking to me is a way to get in with you.  I am most…** ” his hand cramped a bit again as he tried to continue.  **Mostly ignored when you are there and when you’re not its all questions about where you are, what food you like and can I trade seats.**   He walked off after that.  Hyunwoo did not get to decide his friends anymore.  He didn’t want to feel unwanted anymore.

                They were walking through the hospital when Hyunwoo sighed, breaking the heavy silence between them. “Look, Hyunnie I’m sorry.”  Kihyun looked over at Hyunwoo who seemed to be deep in thought.  “I guess I let judgement of others decide if I liked them or not.  I can’t say I am happy about it, their reputation has to come from somewhere Hyun.  But if you feel you trust them, then I guess I’ll have to trust them with you.  I’m just really protective of you.  You’re my only brother.”  Hyunwoo sighed again and opened his arms, waiting.

                Kihyun had a brief moment of fear, a small flashback to another life, one of wanting warmth and of a boy with a smile.  He gave a tight smile and stepped into the circle of his brother’s arms, his protector, his savior.

                “You tell me if anything happens okay?  If you ever hang out with them outside of school, I need to know where you go.  I’ll worry otherwise.”  Hyunwoo’s arms hovered around him, much like they did when he climbed into his lap many years ago.  Barely touching him.  Just the right way Kihyun could stand hugs.

                Kihyun nodded, he could do that much, was already planning on doing that much. 

                “Alright, go meet dad and I’ll see you at home okay?  Or do you want me to stay?”  Kihyun shook his head.  “Alrighty, I need your help with math when you do get back.”  Hyunwoo scrunched his nose.  “They are doing some weird line thing that I find irrelevant to what I want to do in life, so I basically ignored class.”  Kihyun rolled his eyes.  “Shh, I can already hear you lecturing me Hyunnie, go before I get really depressed about it.”

                Kihyun gave his brother a smiled before heading off to the therapy rooms.  Though the hospitals had changed Hoon was still his doctor.  Always trying to do something that may help make Kihyun’s life a little easier.  When he was six they found the braces he wore now, the adjustable finger supports allowed him to stretch his hands throughout the day.  So far it had helped a great deal, he could sign a bit better.  He still had the stuttering issues over certain words and letters, but it was definitely better than when he was first learning.

                There were other things Hoon liked to do every now and then that Kihyun couldn’t stand.  When he was six after he was able to walk again they started on touching exercises, first with Hyunwoo, which was easier.  He had a bond with Hyunwoo and he never wanted to disappoint the older boy.  The other person they tried with was Hyunwoo’s mother.  Kihyun will always be ashamed whenever he looks back on it, till the very end he was never able to hug the woman who had accepted him as one of her own.  She never held his fear against him either, always telling him it was okay, even before she passed.  Hoon had tried once, but it was clear that even more than the prodding touch of an exam had Kihyun running scared.

                Vocal exercises were another thing that Hoon had tried to work with him with.  At first when he was learning sign language Hoon refused to let everyone learn, that way he would have to use his voice.  Those were the days that Kihyun hated the most after the touching exercises.  And it wasn’t like Kihyun didn’t know the words.  He knew them, could sound them out and speak clearly.  There was never anything wrong with his vocals.  But the only time he could get the words out was the dead of night, or in a room alone.  But no one would be allowed to hear him.  Something about people hearing him talk had him more terrified than people seeing the scars on his hands.

                Kihyun walked into the therapy room as Hoon was stacking papers.  “Hey Kihyunnie, if you give me a minute, I have to finish these tests and then we can pick up where we left off.  I hope you practiced.”  Hoon gave him a tight smile as he was leaving the room.

                Kihyun tightened both of his braces, giving his fingers the extra stretch he was sure they needed before they ran through the hand exercises again.  Hoon had been teaching him how to type for the past few weeks.  Since his hand writing was difficult to read, the good doctor thought that maybe typing would help.  But the angle he had to keep his hands to type ‘correctly’ hurt more than holding a pen.  Punching the keys with a pen was much easier.

                It was another part of therapy that Kihyun didn’t understand why Hoon had been so dead set on him learning.  Just like folding clothes, or cutting things.  He did laundry in the house, but Hyunwoo always folded it.  He made dinner, but anytime he would have to cut something, they would be different sizes because he couldn’t keep even pressure on the knife, or move fast when cutting.  He figured just being able to cook was a plus, he didn’t see the need for everything to be cut the same size.  Or for folding things.  But exercises like these were the only thing Kihyun could stand Hoon helping with.

                He walked a small circle around the room, looking at different posters on muscles and bone structure.  He nodded to himself before he stuck his head out into the hallway, looking both ways. 

                It was empty.

                Kihyun closed the door as quietly as he could and took a deep breath.  He closed his eyes and gave a quick throat clearing cough.

                “Today, was a good day.”  Kihyun smiled as the words came out.  Raspy, but they were clear.  He hummed in happiness, and then started singing a song he had heard earlier that day.  He didn’t hear the click as the door opened, or the shuffle of slippered feet as someone entered.  He finished with a smile, knowing that he wouldn’t have the courage to sing again for a while.

                “Your voice is beautiful.”

                Kihyun’s eyes snapped open, a cold sweat enveloping him as he stared at a thin man leaning against the door of the room.

                “I’m sorry, I was hiding from my doctor and I heard you singing as I was walking down the hall.  I wanted to tell you how beautiful it was, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to intrude.”

                Kihyun could feel the fear bubbling in his throat.  He could feel the shaking starting, his hands wanting to clench against the braces holding them straight.

                “Oh.  Oh no.  I’m sorry,” the boy gave him a panicked look.  “I won’t tell anyone.  Please, I’m sorry.”

                Kihyun shook his head, trying his best to take deep breaths to calm down.

                “Oh.  I’m so sorry.  I’m not good at calming down either.  Do you need me to leave?”       

                Kihyun shook his head.  No, it would be okay.  He could be okay.  The man didn’t know.  He would be okay.

                “You don’t need a hug or anything right?  I’m afraid with how I am right now that it wouldn’t work.”

                Kihyun shook his head so fast that his neck cracked a bit.

                “Okay good.  Would you like us both to sit down?”

                Kihyun managed to get a shaky breath through the tightness and nodded.  Equal footing was always good.  Close to the floor in case he passed out.

                They both sat and Kihyun continued to take deep breaths.

                “My name is Minhyuk.  I’m here being treated for a panic disorder.  Really, it was for something else, but it ended with me having a disorder.  Its weird how PTSD works isn’t it?”  Minhyuk gave him a small smile.  “Sorry, I usually talk through my panic attacks.  But I know not everyone is the same.”

                Kihyun gave him a shaky smile and reached for his bag.  His handy notebook opened to a fresh page so he could write.

_I’m Kihyun.  I’m here being treated for a variety of things.  Mostly physical therapy right now._   Kihyun flipped the book so Minhyuk could read.

                “Ah!  For your hands?”

                Kihyun nodded.

                “Well that’s good.  I for some reason don’t want my disorder to go away.”  Minhyuk gave him a small smile.  “I have a touching disorder.  I was attacked by my own teammates not too long ago.  But before it happened I used to be really touchy.  I loved hugging everyone, or leaning on people.  I thought that physical contact could make them understand how proud I was for them to get better times or that it was okay that we lost or something.  But maybe that made everyone mad.  I don’t know.  But I think my happiness and my touching is what caused everything to happen.”

                Kihyun understood the disorder.  He went through it himself, in the end small touches and hugs from Hyunwoo were okay.  As long as he saw them coming.

                _I don’t like being touched either._

                “Ah!  So you understand.”  Minhyuk gave him a bright smile.  “The only thing is that my group of friends want me to get better; they don’t really know how to handle not being able to hug me whenever.  Right now, they are so angry at the team that they won’t let me be by myself for too long.  At least one of them sits with me all day.  But when I have attack they freak out.  Gun said it was because he was use to just being able to hug me better.”

                Kihyun thought for a moment.

                _My brother had the same issue when we were kids.  However he did his best to have patience.  He always reaches out a hand for me to take, or to show that he wants to tap me or hug me.  Maybe if you talk to your friends and had them do that, it might help a bit._

Kihyun’s hand cramped as he wrote, but he was glad he could give Minhyuk some advice on the issue.

                “Hm.  Maybe.  Baby steps I guess will help.”  Minhyuk smiled.  “Maybe your idea will help me accept them again.  Are you feeling better know?”

                Kihyun nodded.

                “I really am sorry.  I guess not many people hear you talk?”

                _No one knows I can.  I get scared when I want to say something._

                “Oh, I’m special then.”  Minhyuk did a small dance in his spot; it was ridiculous enough to cause Kihyun to let out a small bubble of laughter.  “I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

                _Thank you.  I’m hoping that soon I can find strength to use my voice.  I would like to give my brother some progress after everything he’s done for me._

                “Well maybe I can help you then!”  Minhyuk pulled out a phone from his hospital pants pocket.  “Put your number in here.  And maybe once or twice a week we call and speak to each other.

                _I don’t know._

                “We can always try.  Or maybe we can video chat.  That way you can get used to looking at someone’s face.”

                _I’m still really scared._

“We can be scared together.  Okay?  My friends will help me get over my fear.  So I will help you get over your fear of talking.  I wanna hear you sing again, and I don’t want it to be because I was sneaking around and happened upon it.”  Minhyuk smiled again.  “Okay?  Do we have a deal?”

                Kihyun smiled and looked down at his notebook sitting between them, the pen between his braced fingers.  He nodded.  “Okay.”  He whispered, his heart pounding as the word came out.

                “You’re doing great already.”  Just then the door banged open causing Kihyun to jump and scurry under the nearest desk.

                “Kihyun?”  Minhyuk asked.  “You jerk, why did you have to go and scare my friend?”

                “I’m sorry Min, you had me and Gun worried.  We panicked.”  There was a clearing of a throat and a ringing tone.

                _“You find him?”_  

                “Yeah I got him Gun.  I’ll walk back to the room in a second.” 

                _“Alright, let him know its adding to his list of hugs he has to give me.”_

“I will Gun, call Jooheon so he can stop worrying.”  There was another beep and then a long sigh.  “Min, can you at least text us.  Please?”

                “I’m sorry Wonho.”

                Kihyun could feel his ears perk at the name and he risked peaking his eyes over his knees.

                “Alright, we got you all situated.  The chief of police signed your forms since Mama couldn’t come down.”

                “I can go home?”

                “Yeah.  You can rest at home.  I.M will be staying with you tomorrow.”

                “Okay.”

                “Alright, now.  Where is this friend so I can apologize to them?”

                “I think he’s under the desk.  Don’t touch him though!  He gets scared like I do.”

                “Alright Minnie.”  There was a shuffle and then booted feet stopped before the desk.  Jeans pulled tight across knees and thighs as the muscles expanded, until finally Hoseok was there sitting in front of the desk.  “Kihyun?”

                “You know him?”

                “Met him at school earlier before I had to…nevermind.  We met earlier today.”  Hoseok gave Kihyun a small smile before taking his own deep breaths.  “You know seeing you twice in one day is quite the shock to my system.”

                “Oh no.”

                “You can’t deny that he is completely adorable Min.”

                “And I won’t.  But to go and get your grease all over him after meeting twice.”

                “Yeah, yeah.  Come here little one.  I’m sorry I scared you earlier.  Minhyuk is one of my best friends and I got worried when he wasn’t in his room.  Come out and show me those beautiful eyes you have.”  Hoseok smiled and squinted at him.

                “Please little one?”

                “You’re a grease ball, go away.”

                “No, I want to make sure he knows I’m sorry.”

                “What if he’s not coming out because you’re being a greasy fucker?”

                “I’m gonna make you sleep in the living room with the computer system.”

                “Mama wouldn’t let you.”

                “I hate you.”

                “Yeah, yeah.”

                Kihyun smiled as he listened to them.  Content with watching Hoseok look up at Minhyuk with a sweet smile.  His pale hand once again sitting out in front of him for Kihyun to take when he was ready.  He shuffled a bit.  The desk had been his favorite hiding spot as a kid, but now it was quite uncomfortable to squish himself into the small place.

                “And then Jaebum sent me a message that he saw them wondering around his area again so I had to really look into it because Jae is sick so they are both home with him and that’s why I was la-.”  Hoseok looked at the thin hand place in his, shock written over his features as Kihyun gave his hand a light tug as he tried to shuffle out from under the desk.  Hoseok gently gripped his hand.  Providing Kihyun the stability he needed to make his way back out.  “Hello there little one.”  Hoseok said with a bright smile.

                Kihyun’s eyes widened as he was fully assaulted by the smell of peppermint.  Hoseok looked recently showered, his hair was still drying, his clothes had changed from when they had met earlier in the day.  There was a small tug and Kihyun felt himself propel forward a bit more until his knees were bumping into Hoseok’s.  Hoseok’s thumb rubbed the back of his hand like he had done earlier, flashing Kihyun a handsome smile.

                “Hello again.”

                Kihyun smiled shyly before settling more firmly in front of Hoseok.

                “I trust the rest of your day was good?”

                Kihyun nodded, giving Minhyuk a shy smile as the boy rolled his eyes at him.

                “You’ve just been making friends with all my friends little one.  Does that mean we can be friends too?  Transitive property and all that?”

                “Did you really just use algebra as a pick-up line?”

                “Hush you, I’m trying to make a new friend.”

                “Failing at making a new friend.”

                “Go eat dirt.”

                “No thanks, I rather watch as your shambles of a love life gets torn to shreds by the adorable that is my new friend.”

                “Nonsense.  Kihyun is too sweet to tear my shambles of a love life to shreds.  Aren’t you love?”

                Kihyun just gave Hoseok a small smile as he watched the perfect thumb trace its way up a particular rough scar.  He looked up at Minhyuk and pointed at his hand and then at Hoseok and then reached his brace out to Minhyuk, hoping that he would understand.

                “What was that?”

                Kihyun pouted a bit.

                “Here!”  Minhyuk pushed his note book and pen over to him and Kihyun was slow to pull his hand out of Hoseok’s grip.

                _He does a great job for the panic disorder you have.  He’s really patient._

                “I think that’s only for you.  We’re like brothers, I’m pretty sure he’s waiting to toss me out a window.”

                “Out a window, in front of a train, same things.”  Hoseok reached his hand out to Kihyun again.  “If you let me Kihyun.  I would like to get to know you.”

                Kihyun blushed as Minhyuk groaned and banged his head against a wall.  Kihyun was pretty sure the words ‘cheeky mother fucker,’ had slipped out between each bang.  Kihyun smiled and reached for the pale hand again before a voice interrupted them.

                “This is a private treatment room.  Can I help you sir?”  Hoon had come back, different materials held in his hand.

                “Oh, doctor Hoon!”  Minhyuk said, standing closer to the wall he had been banging his head on.

                “Minhyuk?  What are you doing out of your room?”

                “Oh I wanted to go say goodbye to one of the nurses and got lost and saw someone sitting in here.  He looked sad so I said hello.

                “Oh?  And who may I ask signed you out?  I thought you were still looking for a guardian.”  Kihyun pressed his hand into Hoseok’s, scared.  He never liked Hoon when he was cold and calculating like this.  This was the horrible doctor side that caused him to be mean and impatient during treatment.

                “Minhyuk is my brother, the Chief of police himself came and signed him out so he can rest properly at home.”  Hoseok stood, gently pulling Kihyun up with him.  “I was just saying hello to Kihyun.  I met him at school earlier today.”  Hoseok smiled at Hoon, but it didn’t reach his eyes.  “He was showing us different ways to communicate with him so that we can talk to one another better.”  Hoseok grabbed Kihyun’s brace from off the floor and handed it to Kihyun gently.

                “You met my son at school today?”

                “Yes, sir.”

                “Does Hyunwoo know you made new friends Kihyun?”  Hoon smiled towards him and Kihyun gripped Hoseok’s hand in fear.  He nodded, watching as Hoon’s eyes dipped to their linked hands, not missing the way Hoseok ran his thumb over the back of his hand in an effort to calm him down.

                “Well, that’s wonderful Kihyun.  I’m glad you made friends on your first day.”  Kihyun gave Hoseok a small smile and let go of the strong hand to put his brace on.  “Now gentlemen if you excuse us, Kihyun has some therapy to go through today.  Minhyuk, I hope rest well.”

                “Yes sir, thank you.”  Minhyuk tried to smile but the action seemed too forced.

                Hoseok moved so that he was blocking Kihyun’s line of sight to Hoon.

                **_You going to be okay?_**   He mouthed to him.

                Kihyun smiled brightly and reached up to touch Hoseok’s face with a covered finger. He wrote a small ‘ok’ across the smooth looking cheek, causing a silly smile to appear on Hoseok’s face.

                “I’ll hopefully see you tomorrow then?”

                Kihyun nodded.

                “Alright, let’s go Min.  I’m sure you’re anxious to be back in your own room.”  Hoseok walked towards the door that Hoon was still blocking.  “Excuse us, we would go around you but Minhyuk is still working on his new found fear at this time.  I’m sure he would feel more comfortable if he didn’t have a chance to run into anyone at all.”

                “Oh, of course.  My apologies Minhyuk.”  Hoon made his way into the room, over next to Kihyun, causing the boy to jump a bit.  “Have a nice day boys, please close the door on your way out.”

                Hoseok gave Kihyun one last worried look before he closed the door firmly.

                “So Kihyun.”  Kihyun felt the air in the room shift coldly.  “Let’s get started shall we?  We will start by you telling me about your day at school.”  Kihyun nodded and worked his braces off, stretching his fingers out as much as possible.  Kihyun’s nose scrunched.  This was gonna be a long session.

 

~`~

                Kihyun sat at his desk in what was supposed to have been his own room.  Completely defeated from the day.  He had done is best to type correctly.  It didn’t work out and in the end, Hoon had left the room frustrated at him for not practicing more.

                He stared at his math book, looking over line segments that Hyunwoo had been worried about, but his thoughts kept drifting back to Hoseok and Hyungwon and all the other friends he seemed to have made today.  It had been a good day, even if it had ended in disappointment.  His phone buzzed in his pocket.

                _Hey little bro, I’m out with the swim team, probably will be home late.  Let me know if you need anything and I will come right home._

                Kihyun sighed.  He went to the door to the room and made sure it was firmly locked.  And then pushed the piece of wood underneath the knob as added measure.  It was a door jamb that Hyunwoo had made him when they were kids, something that would help Kihyun feel safe when he was alone.  He looked around the room.  They had moved into a four-bedroom house with the intention that everyone would get their own room, and that Hyunwoo and Kihyun could use the fourth room as a study.  But Kihyun still had a hard time being by himself at night, and the first week while they were attending to the funeral arrangements, Kihyun had fits of sleep, never really getting any.  In the end, Hyunwoo and Kihyun went back to sharing, and each of them got their own study room.

                He looked over at the pile of pillows and blankets he had in a corner.  Maybe because it had been a long eventful day, with two panic attacks, he would be able to sleep fine.  Kihyun tapped his foot on the floor and stared at each corner of the room.  There was enough room in his reading corner to sleep in, it was away from both the door and the window, he would be okay.  Hopefully.

                He left the light on and settled down in his pile of blankets, making himself as comfortable as possible.  He hopped that with the amount of good that had happened today, his dreams would be for once plagued by the light and not the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fear of talking is actually some thing a lot of people fight and overcome. My issue rose when I was in school; I would be the one doing all the work for projects and then would also have to be the one that presented all the work. With my job, I had to get over it, but in social situations where I am not required to talk, I usually just smile and nod. So its not that I have something against you as a person that I don't say anything; it just that in this social situation, I can get by with being quiet, so I do.


	6. Kakoneirophobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun is responding with a voice program so it seems like he is talking.

                “Kihyun, I thought I told you to answer me.” 

                Kihyun could feel his eyes tear up at the harsh criticism as he sat with his fingers up in the back of the class room. 

                “Kihyun.  Either answer or you will go to the principal’s office.”

                Kihyun waved his hand around again, but it was no use.  The teacher refused to look at him.  He turned to his desk-mate only to find an empty seat, blood pooling in the chair.  Kihyun gulped in fear, slowly lowering his arms and watched as blood dripped into the chair.  He started to shake, and followed the slow drip.  He found the mangled body of Hyungwon hanging from the ceiling, face bruised beyond recognition.  Kihyun scrambled out of his chair and looked around at his class.  Not one person bothered looking at him.

                “Kihyun, just go to the principal’s office.”  Kihyun scurried out of the room, and stopped and stared in horror at the hall.  He had to find Hoseok, or Changkyun.  Someone who would know what was going on.  But, there were nothing but hands lining the hallway.  Kihyun closed his eyes, taking deep breaths as he fought his building fear.  Hyungwon was more important.  He gulped and ran into the hallway.  The hands grabbed at him, pulling and tearing at his clothes as he ran through them. 

                He had to get to the library, maybe Changkyun would be there, or the storage room where Hyungwon had said they would hang every now and then.  But the library was burning, just the room, one minute he was in a hand filled hallway and the next he was inside a slowly burning library.  But no one seemed to notice.  It was so hot.  He ran, ignoring the tables of the students flipping through pages as the library burned around him.  It wasn’t until he found the table he had been using on his first day did he see a recognizable face. 

                Changkyun was sitting there, slowly flipping through a book, the pages a light with flame, his skin was melting from his hand, but the boy didn’t seem to take notice.  Kihyun ran towards him, waving his hands to catch the other boys attention.  But nothing.  Not even when Kihyun used the remains of a chair to knock the book out of the boy’s hands.  Changkyun just continued to page through a book that was no longer there.  Not taking notice that his leg had now caught fire, nor that the pages of burned books were flying around them. 

                Kihyun whimpered and took off out of the library.  Hyunwoo, Hoseok, anyone else would know what to do.  The hands in the hallway were gone, instead replaced by a long chain, restraints hanging from the chain every few feet.  The sight of it had Kihyun crying openly, horrifying memories flying back to him that he worked so hard to forget.  So much blood was collecting beneath each restraint, it had Kihyun slipping as he tried to make it to the classroom he knew Hyunwoo would be in. 

                He slammed the door open. 

                “Hyu-Hyunwoo.”  He whimpered out, seeing his brother standing there looking out the window.

                “Kihyun?”  The boy slowly turned around.  “Kihyunnie, what’s wrong.  Come here, I’ll wait.”  The boy lifted his arms, much like he had done the other day.  Holding them out for Kihyun to step into.  But there were no hands.  Kihyun eyes widened at the bloody stumps his brother was holding up.  “Come on Kihyun.”

                Kihyun shook his head and backed out of the room.  He had to find someone.  He ran to the entrance of the building.  Maybe he would find someone outside.

                He ran to the tree.  It had been his safe point the other day, a spot of so many happy moments.  He let out another small cry and dropped at its base, pulling himself into a small ball.  He didn’t know what was going on.  There was so much blood everywhere.

                There was a plop on the ground in front of him, a familiar crunching of grass that he had heard before.  He chanced a moment to look up and held in a scream.  It had been years since he had seen this man, years since he had remembered this man.

                “No one wanted to be friends with you boy.”  There was a cruel laugh.  “They all asked me to kill them so they wouldn’t have to look at you anymore.”  There was a thump as the man threw something at his feet.  “Not a single person could stand being around you anymore.  That’s why they left Kihyun.”

                Kihyun whimpered again as he slowly looked up, feeling his nails digging into his arms, in front of him was the smiling face of Minhyuk, his head had been separated from its body, but the face was still smiling.  Kihyun screamed and stumbled as he tried to run.

                He slammed into a chest.  He gasped in relief as he saw Hoseok standing before him. 

                “H-Hoseok. Please help, please.”  He cried gripping to Hoseok’s shirt.  “Please help me.”

                There was a cold look, one mirrored to the voice he had heard at the hospital.  “This is all your fault Kihyun.  I lost all my friends because of you.”

                Kihyun backed up, fear chilling his blood as he looked at Hoseok.  “Bu-.”

                “Why would we want to be friends with a freak?  Why did you have to go and try to befriend us.  We felt dirty.  We couldn’t stand the thought of being around you.  I lost my friends because of you.  I should kill you.”  Hoseok took a step towards him, and Kihyun whimpered as he backed away.

                “Hoseok please.  Please Hoseok.  I didn’t mean to.  I’ll go away.  I’m so sorry.”  He kept backing up until he hit the tree, fear began to press in on him as Hoseok lifted his fist.  He closed his eyes.

 

~`~

 

                Kihyun woke with a gasp.  Eyes fighting to adjust against the light he had left on when he had laid down to sleep.  He whimpered and gave out another little gasp as tears began to fall.  There had been so much blood, so much everywhere and no one did anything.  They all died because of him.  Hoseok hated him.  Hyunwoo had no hands.  Kihyun coughed through his tears as he balled himself up and continued to sob into his pillow. 

                Maybe the others, were just being nice to him.  Maybe the whole day happened in his head.  Kihyun whimpered at the thought.  He had liked everyone.  He didn’t want them to be made up.  He didn’t want them to hate him.  He patted around for his phone and flipped it open.  An hour had passed since he had put himself down to sleep.  He whimpered again and more tears brought themselves to the surface.  He searched through his contacts.  Seeing both Minhyuk’s and Changkyun’s name sitting under the recently added list.

                _Calling Minhyuk._

                _“Hello?”_

“M-“ Kihyun paused, voice caught in his throat.

                _“Oh!  Hold on a sec, let me get to my room so I can hear you better.”_ Kihyun could hear the distinct thumping of feet on stairs and then a slamming of a door.  _“Kihyun?  Is that you?”_

                “I-“

                _“Hey, no one is with me, it will be okay.”_

“Was today real?”

                _“Kihyun, what’s wrong?”_

“I was scared.”

                “ _Of what?  Of the doctor?  Do you need someone to come get you?”_

“No.  That it wasn’t real.”

                _” That what wasn’t real?”_

“Today, meeting all of you.  Talking to all of you.  Feeling accepted.”

                _“You thought we weren’t real?”_

“It’s not as farfetched as you make it sound.  I am crazy after all.”

                Minhyuk snorted down the line.  _“Kihyun, we are as real as any other person.  I have never heard Hyungwon boast so much about a person.  Did you know that you are now going to be invited over just to sit on the couch with him and watch television?”_

                “Really?”

                _“Really.  Now are you sure you don’t want one of us to come over and sit with you?  I’m sure Hoseok would more than love to sit there with you.”_

                “No, I’m just waiting for Hyunwoo to come home.”

                _“You positive?  Cause like, any one of us would be more than happy to.”_

“No really, it was just a really bad dream.”

                _“A really bad dream that had you talking to me for a good five minutes.”_

“Really, I’m okay.”  Kihyun fiddled with a loose string on the end of his shirt.

                “ _Honestly Hoseok or Changkyun can be hella stealthy.  Windows are like their best friends.  Hold on.”_ There was pounding from the end of the line and Minhyuk was breathing heavily. 

                “ _Hyungwon!”_

Kihyun’s eyes widened and he quickly hung up the phone.

 

~`~

                Kihyun paced his study a few times wringing his hands. 

                Hyunwoo had texted him again, telling him that him and the swim team were now at some teen club where there was karaoke.  So even later than usual.

                Minhyuk had texted him to call back, but he just ignored it.

                Kihyun picked up his tea he had made after he had hung up on Minhyuk.  It was now cooling, the tea itself had steeped too long and the tea smell was strong, but did nothing to calm him down.

                There was a snap outside.  Kihyun jumped, dropping his cup onto the floor.  It took a few moments for him to calm down before he rushed to clean it up.  Snaps happen often outside.  Any animal that happened to be walking through any part of their yard had the ability to snap a stick.  Wind could also snap a stick.  Kihyun shook his head and laughed at himself a little as he picked up his now empty cup.

                There was a knock on the window causing Kihyun to jump and drop the cup all over the carpet again.  There was a click followed by a body climbing through the window and Kihyun was by the door, trying to tear the board away, his hands refusing to cooperate.

                “Kihyun wait!”

                Kihyun turned to look at Hoseok squatting on the desk in front of the window.  Tears filled his eyes as he stared at the man with dark hair.  He had changed again.  His attire entirely black.

                “I’m sorry,” Hoseok expertly hopped off the desk.  “Minhyuk said something was wrong but the others didn’t want him to leave so I came and you didn’t answer the door when I knocked and this was the only light on.  Ah, fucking please baby don’t cry.”  Hoseok came closer to Kihyun, hands raised.  “Please, I keep scaring you, I’m so sorry.  I just get really worried about people I care about.  Oh please.”

                It reminded him so much of Hyunwoo when the family had first brought him home.  He was a scared mouse and would often start crying and Hyunwoo would never know what to do.

                “Can I touch you?  Please?”  Hoseok asked, interrupting Kihyun’s thoughts.  His hands were now held out level to Kihyun’s face.  “Please?  Can I please?”  His hands continued to hover there before Kihyun gave the slightest nod.

                Hoseok’s hands were cool as they skimmed over his face.  His thumbs wiping traces of tears away.  “I’m sorry for scaring you little one.  I just got really worried.”

                Kihyun placed his shaking hands over Hoseok’s.

                “You’re okay now?”  Hoseok asked, forcing Kihyun’s head up to look at him.

                Kihyun nodded, tapping Hoseok’s hands on his face.

                “Good.”  Hoseok’s thumbs gave his cheeks one last slide against his cheeks before releasing him.  “Now, do you want to explain to my why my best friend was ready to run wild on the streets to make sure you were okay?”

                Kihyun blushed and walked to his desk to grab his laptop, opening to a vocal program he and Hyunwoo used.

                “I had a bad dream and got really scared.  A dream that you all hated me and bad things kept happening to you guys because of me.  I’m really shocked you guys want to be friends with me at all.”

                Hoseok bit his lip as he listened to the program talk.

                “You never really have had friends before, have you?”

                Kihyun shook his head scratching lightly at the side of his computer.

                “Kihyun, we are happy to be your friends.  We aren’t the best lot around, but we would never lie about friendship.  Once we make friends we never back away.  We protect our own and if that means I need to run down here every night to fight your dreams I will.”

                Kihyun smiled at the screen shyly.  “That really means a lot to me.”

                “Good.  Now.  Why do you have yourself all locked up in this room?”

                “My brother won be home till late.  And Hoon is still at the hospital.  I feel safe this way.”

                “Ah.”  Hoseok nodded.  “That’s good thinking, if anyone snuck in this room would be hard to get into, you should probably keep yourself a way down from the window in case that every happens though.  It will help you to get away quickly.”  He stretched himself.  “You mind if I take this off?”  He asked as he played with the zippers of his jacket.

                Kihyun nodded quickly.  “My manners are horrible!  Would you like a drink?”

                “Water would be lovely, it’s just a bit warm out.”

                Kihyun nodded and unsecured the board from the door, but took a step back when he saw the dark hallway.  He gave Hoseok a little shaky smile over his shoulder as he hurried back to his desk for his flashlight.

                “What’s up?”  Kihyun looked down at the bright smile Hoseok flashed him and flashed an embarrassing one of his own, waving the flashlight in the air.

                “I see.  You know I can’t blame you.  Its creepy when you can’t see shit.”  Hoseok hopped up, removing his jacket slowly.  “I’ll come with you.  Gotta protect my angel.”  Kihyun’s eyes widened as Hoseok dropped his jacket to the floor.  Black muscle shirt revealing his pale arms in all their glory.  Hoseok tilted his head to the side.  “You okay little one?”

                Kihyun was pretty sure he visibly gulped before he made his way down the dark hallway towards the light switch.

                “So how did you turn them all off?”

                Kihyun waved the flashlight around.

                “Ah.  Well then.  I commend you for your bravery.”

                Kihyun rolled his eyes as he flipped the switch for the hall.

                “Are you by yourself often?”  Hoseok asked, following Kihyun down the hall towards the stairs.

                Kihyun shook his head, nodding towards a picture of Hyunwoo on the wall.

                “Ah, so usually your brother is home?”

                Kihyun nodded.

                “So, it’s safe to say with him joining the swim team he will start coming home late more often?”

                Kihyun nodded again, making his way down the stairs and for the kitchen.

                “You know, on those nights, you’re more than welcome to come hang out with us at our house.  It’s not much, but we got this huge table and Min likes trying to cook for everyone.”

                Kihyun turned as he flipped the switch for the kitchen light.  Then pointed at his chest and help up two crooked fingers.

                “You like to cook too?”

                Kihyun nodded.

                “Well now I have to try your cooking sometime.”

                Kihyun blushed and shook his head.

                “Oh, come on, you can’t be horrible.”

                Kihyun shrugged.

                “It’s settled then.  I get to try your cooking.”

                Kihyun grabbed the pitcher of water from the fridge and filled a clean glass from the drying rack.  A small smile playing on his lips all the while.

                They walked back to Kihyun’s study with Hoseok calmly turning out the lights behind them.  Kihyun had never felt so face.

 

~`~

                “Did your brother say when he was going to be home?”  Hoseok asked as he pushed the board back under the door knob.

                Kihyun shook his head and signed out the word late.

                “Just that he would be late?”

                Kihyun nodded as he sat down with a shy smile before picking back up his laptop to type out a message.

                “You can sign too?”

                “Ah.  Well, you learn some basic things in the life I live.”  Hoseok fluffed up the back of his hair with an embarrassed smile.  He took a big gulp of his drink, giving Kihyun ample time to view the bunching of muscle as he lifted the glass to his lips.  He looked away before Hoseok finished, hoping the other hadn’t caught him.

                “How about we learn a little bit about each other?”  Hoseok asked him as he sat down back in front of Kihyun.  “I’m kind of jealous that Hyungwon got to hang with you the whole day.”

                “I would love to.”  Kihyun typed out.  Smiling as Hoseok listened to the computerized voice.

                “I really like this program you got.  Go ahead with your first question.”

                Kihyun bit his bottom lip as he typed out a question that had been bugging him since that afternoon.  “Why do you keep changing clothes?”

                “Wow, that’s like straight to the bone my dear.”  Hoseok sighed out and rubbed the back of his head.  “I really didn’t want you to know, I thought it would scare you off, but I am a leader of one of the residing gangs in this city.  My gang holds district over the east side of town.  There were some suspicious people out and about today.  So, I went to check it out and got into a fight.  That’s why I had to change clothes.”

                “So, you _are_ gang members.”

                “Yes.  We try to keep the peace in our area, no drug dealings, one bar and a hangout for kids that would normally get into trouble.  We keep all our operations as quiet as possible.  Of course, there are still bullies around.  We can’t weed everyone out, but because we are so out of their wavelength we become the targets.  At that point its ‘Hey, they can’t do this shit without the good job I do at night so what the fuck ever.’”

                “You’re like white knights of a fairy tale.”

                Hoseok threw his head back and laughed.  “Oh, little one, we are much more dangerous.  But if you are my prince, I am whatever you say.”

                Kihyun looked down the keyboard with a blush.

                “Alright, my turn.”  Hoseok smiled at him.  Kihyun gave him a smile as the boy scrunched his note in thought.  “We’re you in an accident when you were younger?”

                Kihyun stiffened at the question and stared at his hands.  He slowly let his fingers reach for the keys.

                “I don’t think it was an accident at least.”

                “That must have been horrible.”

                “You don’t even know what happened.”

                “Kihyun.  For you to have the scars and everything else, it must have been traumatizing.  I’m sorry for being so forward about it.  But you seem so strong; I’m sure if I had faced demons like that I would have locked myself in my room and never left.  You’re so brave.”

                “Hyunwoo makes me brave.  He treats me like I’m normal most of the time.”

                “He’s a good brother too you then?”

                “Yes.”

                Hoseok smiled.  “Good.  Fire away little one.  You’re turn.”

                “Why do you call me little one?”

                “You are small, tiny and adorable and everything I would want to fold up and fit right here in my pocket.”  Hoseok touched the front of his shirt above his heart.

                “I’m weird.”

                “Well,” Hoseok said slowly, giving Kihyun a slick smile.  “You’re my kind of weird.”

                Kihyun squeaked at Hoseok in horror, hand coming up to cover his smile.

                “Where’s your phone Kihyun?”

                Kihyun was slow to respond, still trying to get over the shock of Hoseok’s words.

                “On my desk.”

                Hoseok grinned, limbs untangling to stand and retrieve the device.

                “I’m giving you my phone number.”  There was a pause.  “Why do you have such an old model?”  Hoseok shook his head, sitting back down in front of Kihyun.  “Never mind, I’m giving you my number so we can talk more.  I like talking to you.”

                “I like talking with you too.”  Kihyun typed out and smiled at the beautiful man in front of him, concentrating on punching in his phone number.

                “I really hate your phone, its taking forever.”  Hoseok bit his tongue in concentration.  “And good that you like talking to me, cause I wanna definitely talk with you every day.  Ah!  Done.”  Hoseok set the phone down next to him on the floor.

                “Everyday?”

                “Yup.”  Hoseok popped the p on the word before grinning widely at Kihyun.

                “Why every day?”

                “Because it gives me a greater chance for you to fall for my charm.”

                Kihyun smiled shyly down at the keys on his laptop.  There was a gasp of air and then a dulled thump.  When he looked back up Hoseok was rolling on the floor with his hands covering his heart.

                “I can’t, you are too cute.  Don’t you dare smile like that for anyone else.”

                Kihyun blushed and suppressed his giggles and Hoseok rolled some more.  Fingers posed over the keyboard, carefully thinking about the words he wanted to respond with.  But Hoseok’s beaming face was too cute.  It was distracting him.

                “You’re beautiful.”

                Kihyun’s mouth dropped open in shock as the computerized voice finished.  Staring at his traitorous hands in shock.

                Hoseok rolled back towards him, giving him yet another warm smile as he sat up.  “You are too baby.  I can tell that even down to your bones, you’re beautiful.”  Kihyun closed his laptop on an eye roll. Giving the other a showy silent huff and crossing his arms.

                “What’s wrong little one?”

                He pointed to his laptop, hand shaking in frustration and then at Hoseok with a pout.

                “Aw sweetie.  Did you tell me I was beautiful on accident?”

                Kihyun looked down at his crossed legs and nodded.

                “I’m glad.”

                Kihyun pouted as Hoseok scooted closer, their knees barely a foot away.

                “Kihyun, look at me please.”

                Kihyun looked up.

                “From the moment I saw you, I thought you were beautiful.  From you shy little nod as Hyungwon asked you to wake him up; to your relived sigh as you yanked off your braces in the library, even your panic attack and your worry for Hyungwon’s feelings afterwards.  I have thought you were beautiful for the whole day.”  Hoseok gave him a crooked smile.  “It takes a special someone to work their way into my groups hearts so fast.  You really are something Kihyun.”

                Kihyun scrambled for his laptop, the device slipping through his fingers a few times before he could grip it better. 

                “You weren’t there for any of that!”

                “For your shy little nod, no.  But believe me Hyungwon described everything to me in a text while he was gathering Min’s homework.”

                “Lies.”

                “Oh?  Lies?”  Hoseok smiled.  He pulled his phone from his pocket with a bit of a darker grin.

**Sleeping beauty**

**_So like the new kid is too precious._ **

**_Hes so small and nice, hes got such a good smile. He even said he_ **

**_Would wake me up.  So cute, such a precious smile._ **

**_Hoseok you stay away, he’s too sweet for your corrupted heart._ **

**Dimwit**

**_Why me?  Im like the nicest person_ **

**Beee**

**_I FORGOT THAT WAS TODAY OMG!  IS HE CUTE???????_ **

**_I DIDN’T GET TO LOOK AT THE PICTURE!!!!_ **

****

**Bum**

**_Why do you care if he’s cute baby bee?_ **

****

**Sleeping Beauty**

**_Because you’re a greasy fucker and this precious boy deserves all the_ **

**_Good in the world._ **

****

                “See?”  Hoseok asks as he places his phone on the ground.  “So, I may not have been there for that, but Hyungwon thought it was cute enough to tell us.  I was in the library getting books Min would need when I saw you.  Even then, you were angelic, with the light shining on you as you scrunched your nose at your paper.  And then Changkyun had to go and roll his ass in.  But you are the most adorable being I have ever met.  And believe me, I won’t lie to you, I’ve been around.  You fill me with such joy, Kihyun.  One day or not.  Just being near you today made me so happy.”

                “That’s not fair.”

                “What’s not fair?”

                “You saw me for the whole day and both times I meet you I’m panicked and trying to hide.”

                “You can see me every day at any time from now on if you would like to catch up.”

                Kihyun stared at Hoseok in horror, recounting the way his eyes grazed over Hoseok’s muscles as he pulled off his jacket.  His eyes immediately dropping to one of the arms sitting in Hoseok’s lap.  He could feel the blush rising to his cheeks.

                “Oh?  What is this?”  Hoseok grinned.

                Kihyun shook his head.

                “Mhm.”  Hoseok smiled gently at him.  “You feel better little one?”

                “Much better.  Thank you for being here Hoseok”

                “Completely my pleasure.  Now!  Why don’t we watch a movie while we wait for your brother to come home?”

                Kihyun nodded and pointed over to his blanketed corner, gathering his laptop, phone and charger.  He settled down, setting the laptop in his lap as he looked for the recently downloaded movie he had been meaning to watch.

                “Kihyun.”

                Kihyun looked up at Hoseok, questioning.

                “It’s kind of a tight squeeze, I didn’t want to bump you accidentally.”  Kihyun’s heart raced as he scooted closer to the wall, setting the laptop next to him as a barrier.  Hoseok was so considerate.

                “Alright, this better not be a horror film.”

                Kihyun smiled at him as the opening credits of a cartoon started up.

                “Oh, thank goodness.”  Hoseok grinned and settled against the wall.

                It felt normal.  Kihyun thought as he looked at Hoseok’s profile.  He felt normal around Hoseok.  It was nice feeling.  A safe one.

 

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So everyone has nightmares. Everyone does, many people don't have the displeasure of remembering them. I dream all the time that the friends I have are fake friends. And I know that's not true. Like....they wouldn't talk to me so much at 2 in the morning about such and such story, book, game, show they had see earlier in the day, if I wasn't right? 
> 
> I think my worse nightmare was when I was a kid and my mom's boyfriend was staying with us. And I just remember there being screaming in my dream and I went to go ask to sleep in my mom's bed. Well of course I couldn't, that would just be awkward. That was the first time I learned how to deal with them on my own. I crawled underneath my bed with a flashlight we kept in each room of the house in case the power went out and read a bunch of books until i passed out there. My dog at the time was a good sport and kept me company. 
> 
> Why underneath the bed? Because if I was already under there, and covered by my blanket then there was no way for the monsters to grab me from my bed. Also it was out of view of the mirror which is around the same time I started disliking them so much. They made everything much more creepy when you have nothing better to do then look around your room and read the same five books you owned for hours.


	7. Update on not an update!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will delete!!!

okay so update on the not an update! I posted the makings of this story. It’s very difficult to read, I didn’t really edit much and I was doing a type up as I was packing for Monsta X in Dallas so it’s quickly typed. 

Got7 and Seventeen will be playing roles in this story, so I needed to make sure I wrote small snipits of their lives too. Their stories will also continue on!!! Please be sure to read!!!!

This story is not dead

In fact if you followed me over from aff the only story that I have that’s dead is mangaled...and that’s because the whole situation of that group mangaled my heart. 

I also posted a new Mama Leo part...and realized there was a proud papa moment that I had wrote and never posted so that will probably be done tomorrow 

Promise!! More to come!

Thank you as always for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> So unlike the beginning story of how I.M and Gun meet everyone, I actually had a lovely beta for the first few chapters I wrote of this. So thank you to my Squirrelly girl~ <3 Kreecher loves you~~~


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